The dreaded day is coming

The day is coming when I have to let my Fluffy go.

She’s incontinent now (pees on herself when sleeping).
She is prone to seizures.
She had a stroke in December 2016.
She has very high anxiety (which came as a result of the stroke.)
She’s had about 4 episodes where she barked and growled at me because she didn’t recognize me.

She had another stoke or seizure in March 2017, but I was out of town and couldn’t be sure which one it was. All I could see was the after effects. I know she had some kind of neurological event that day though.

She has arthritis in her back leg. After we go on walks, that back leg shakes for a while. So I have been limiting how long we go on walks.

She also has a collapsing trachea that I know will just progressively get worse and worse. And when the cough starts, that’ll be yet another medication for her to take.

Right now, she’s on 3 medications: Phenobarbital, an anxiety medication, and an arthritis medication. She really should be on an incontinence medication too, but the vet took her off it because it counteracted the anxiety meds. This morning she woke up soaking wet and I just feel so bad. These mornings I have to rush her into the bath then rush myself getting ready for work.

Her anxiety is so high sometimes that despite taking her medication, she drives my grandpa crazy with pacing all throughout the house, and barking and whining for me. He isn’t able to get any rest all day these days. I have started to put her in doggie day care and that cost has really affected my finances, I’ve had to start pulling money out of savings to make it to the next paycheck. She’s on 3 medications now and will soon be up to 5 with the cough medication and incontinence medication she will need to be on.

The difficulty is, she still eats and drinks, wants to go on walks, greets me when I come home, she can still jump off the bed. So when I do the quality of life “quiz” she passes. Everything that’s wrong with her is mostly neurological that I can’t see until it’s too late. Everything I am dreaded is a “could.” She COULD have a stroke or seizure that seriously debilitates her. Her back legs COULD give out completely in the next couple of months. I am at my wits end trying to determine when is the right time. Is now the right time? Or should I wait until she has more ailments? I always promised myself and Fluffy that if she made it up to needing 5 long term medications, I would let her go. It’s just too much for the both of us to keep up with at that point. She’s up to 3 right now and should technically be on 4 and the 5th medication is not far behind.

I am talking to her vet regularly about this. She says I am not wrong in thinking the time is close. Fluffy has so much going on, she says, that I should definitely start preparing myself. I just don’t know what to do. I don't want to do this too soon or too late. I feel stuck. It’s all happening so fast.

Dear Fluffylove,
I am so sorry that your Fluffy is so ill. You really do have a hard decision ahead of you. Have you checked to see if any of the meds can be purchased at the drugstore pharmacy? They might be available in generic. My Bailey had congestive heart failure & was on 3 medicines. Two of these were available at the drugstore pharmacy in generic, and that really helped with the money. Your vet would have to write the prescriptions, and you could take them to your pharmacy if they have them. My advice to you would be to follow your heart. You and Fluffy will be in my prayers.
Hugs from
Becky & Bailey

Thank you. this is so hard and even harder to find people to talk to about it. Her medications actually aren't that much of a financial burden. I pay about $20 for each of them and they last for 3 months. I struggle mostly with the ethical part of a dog being on so many medications. And really, the medications just push off the inevitable, they aren't a cure. I am terrified because my mom's Pomeranian also had a collapsing trachea and despite the medications, he still slowly suffocated. Just coughed and coughed and coughed all day and couldn't breathe well. I'm so scared I am going to wait too late to do this. Thank you for the kind words! They really are a comfort during this time.

Dear FluffyLove,
I onderstand your doubts very well. At this time, 2 out of 3 of my dogs have cancer. Luka has T-cell lymphoma but is currently doing well after 4 courses of chemo. Pepper has B-cell lymphoma and was doing very well untill 6 weeks ago when the vet found another tumor in his bladder wich has nothing to do with te first, but triggered the lymphoma to become active again. We succeeded to bring him back in remission, and he was doing well again, but now the poor love got acute pancreatitis last week. Twice we made the decision to have him put to sleep because he was in pain and did not seem to enjoy anything anymore. But twice he got better after making that decision, started wagging his tail again, enjoyed eating, walking around in the garden, ... He seemed to have joy again and so twice we cancelled. I found it very difficult to decide what was best for Pepper, because off course, if he gets through this pancreatitis, he stil has lymphoma and bladder cancer and will have pronlems because of that eventually. So should we have stopped here and avoid what's to come??? Anyway, because he was wagging and eating and everything, I just couldn't lake that decision for him. I think your dog tells you when its his time and when not. I follow his lead. It was a difficult week with ups and downs, we had to care for him 24hrs a day, but he still enjoys our company and gives no signs of wanting to go. Maybe my story will help you in making your decision. Try to see your dogs signs. They do send it! Love. Luka's Chili Pepper