I feel lost

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I feel lost

Post by Nala's daddy on Fri Oct 13, 2017 1:08 pm

Hi, my name is Paul. It's been ages since a write down in any kind of forum, but right now I need an outlet for the pain. This 10/10, my wife and I lost our precious girl, Nala. She was the light of our lifes. My wife is devastated, to her, Nala and I are her everything. I feel like I am just going with the flow of my everyday, but I don't find joy in the things that I do. When I am not sad, I am concern for my wife. I write her every time that I can when we are not together. Everyone say to us that time will heal our wound, but the road to that point is going to be a difficult one. She was a young dog, she was 5 years old.

She had a hernia, supposedly an easy operation. The operation was successful, she woke up and everything, she was going to stay in the vet's house for 3 days for check ups, but she did not wake up the next morning after the surgery. I have mix-up feelings, because I will never know what happened. According to the vet, it was to much for her heart, but there is a part of my that will always wonder "What would have happen if I went with a different vet?".

Right now, after we arrive home, my wife and I are taking walks around where we live because we cannot bear to stay at home. Everyone also tell us that with time, we might adopt another lucky dog and love that dog like we love Nala, but I don't find consolation in those words because I don't want to love another dog, I want to love her, I want her back with us.

She was so small, so sweet and so cute, and I feel like I failed her. I should have protect her.

The only thing I feel keep me going is that my wife needs me, I must and will there for her.

Thanks for reading this and if you are here for the same reason that I am, my heart feels for you.

Paul.

NOTE: Enligsh is not my native language, sorry for any difficulty understanding the text.

Nala's daddy

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Re: I feel lost

Post by DarlaVera on Fri Oct 13, 2017 4:11 pm

Hi Paul,

My heart goes out to you and your wife and I share the loss that you feel. I empathize with your wife's overwhelm and am sure that it is similar to what I am going through. And I am sure that my significant other feels as you do with concern for my well-being. I cannot say it is invalid; there are times when I feel that I am on the edge of a breakdown. Suicidal thoughts have crossed my mind. The joyless days ... the empty house .... all of these feelings I share. And likewise I take no consolation in the "time will heal" words. Nor can I imagine having another dog. Why would I ever want to feel this way again?

Somehow, just knowing that others share this pain has helped me. Yours is the only response I've received to my post, but still knowing that this is normal has helped.

I've also found solace in responding to others' posts, particularly those who have not received a response. In that initial moment of reaching out in desperation for some type of validation, I feel it important to receive a response, even if I have no answers.

As for the blame game and the guilt, I think it is something we all go through. I've second-guessed myself, the oncologists, and the vets throughout my 8-week ordeal with Vera. But it has gotten me nowhere. It is what it is. We are all human; we all did the best that we could. It is time to heal.

I wish you all the best. Please reach out as often as needed. For me, it gets all bottled up inside and then the dam bursts the minute opportunity arises. I work in people's homes with children on the autism spectrum and so need to hold it together for my 2-3 hour shift. But once in the car, I'm flooded with tears. My little girl never leaves my thoughts. This forum is but another avenue of release.

DarlaVera

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